In dating, those who fail to plan before starting a relationship, actually planned to fail.
Man as a social animal craves for an interaction between its environment which consist of living and non-living organisms, it is in our biology. No wonder most spiritual books on the creation of man posit that man was made and a woman was given unto him because it is not good for man to be ALONE. {Genesis 2 vs. 18,24 : Cow 34,35}
We need relationship for almost everything we do, from economic activities to political activities or communication, we are always interdependent on each other. There are various kinds of relationship which we keep and there are different reasons we keep them, but my write up will focus on dating.
Due to advancement in technology, we live in an age where little kids of 6 to 16 years are engaged in the act of dating (same sex dating or opposite sex dating) and it is so rampant that we just enter a relationship without thinking it through.
We refuse to ask ourselves some important questions like, by going through this dating process what do I want to achieve? What are my short/long terms goals of this relationship? Am I ready to date? Why date now? How compatible is the partner I chose for me and I for the partner?
A sincere answer to this questions shows that we date for these reasons
Financial support: This category covers a good deal of our teenagers and adults ranging from ages 13 to 35, they are not necessary poor, they engage in such relationship with a motive to increase or maintain their wealth. They forget money can buy you luxurious items but not genuine emotions or feelings such as happiness and love.
Peer pressure: This category are mostly children, teenagers and few adults ranging from 6 to 35, they engage in dating because their peers are dating and they want a sense of belonging and forget that as unique as we are so is our path, speed, level of maturity and emotional strength. And making your decisions based on the decision your friend made is one of the things that leads to unhappiness, discontent, depression, worry and regrets because the choice truly wasn’t yours in the first place.
Self-growth and development: This category of people date to improve their lifestyle, be it education, career, personality or religion. This relationship is based either to improve one’s IQ, EQ or SQ (spiritual quotient). If one-sided it could lead to devaluation of the receiving party, hence emotional trauma.
Emotional support: Breakups can be traumatizing, leaving a strong emotional scar and to heal sometimes we rush into another relationship. This could be a burden on the couples as when the hurting party finally recovers there is no motivation to keep the relationship moving because no one needs a cry bag when they feel happy.
Pity/sympathy: This category of people date because the other partner feels a strong affection towards them. Because they don’t want to hurt their feelings immediately by rejection, they end up wrecking themselves and causing more hurt to the other partner than avoided.
Affection and company (love, crush, infatuation and lust): Strong affections such as love, a longing desire to stay in the company of another (friend or brother zone), infatuation, lust and crush has been the major reason we all date. The sense of adventure, feeling of wanting to be loved or to love, sexual gratification and the warmth of the company of the other party we enjoy, goes to show a long way that man always yearn to connect with one another no matter how introverted they are. This explains the boom of the social network industry.
For marital purpose: Marriage is the union of two people legally accepted by the society as one, a couple sharing the same vision and goals till the contract is terminated. We are born in a society that tells us that once a child is born, the child should be educated to get a good work, get married, give birth to children and teach their children to repeat the same cycle with exceptions to priests, eunuchs and monks. It is essential that we must marry and it is a given mandate by God (Genesis 2 vs. 24). But the issue is that a lot of people rush into marriage and at the blink of an eye they rush out of it. This is due to poor planning and misguided priorities.
Whatever the reasons you wish to enter a relationship or date someone
- You should tell yourself the truth
- Be aware of who you are and be able to tell what you want
- Ensure it is with someone who treats you the way you deserve and reciprocate the same treatment
- Someone who shares similar interest, passion and vision with you
- Someone that will improve your life as you improve theirs
- Someone who listens to you as you listen too, that is Someone you can communicate with
- Someone who is worthy of your trust, honest and protects your interests outside as you trust and protect their interests too.
- Finally, someone who shares the same faith and belief with you.
Once you see that special someone, picture yourself with your prospective partner in the next 5 to 7 years, evaluate, be truthful and ask yourself one question, will the relationship lead to something fruitful or will it be a waste of limited time, filled with regrets?
When you answer that question truthfully, plan and enter the new relationship. You’d be glad how wonderful, fulfilling and long lasting dating can be.
Hope you enjoyed reading the article? Kindly share your thoughts and opinions below on how to have a successful dating experience.
Written by my Friend and Brother Chibuzor Azodo. Connect with him on LinkedIn using his name above.
